In these sections the world is dark, the neighbour is often larger than life literally and figuratively. Occasionally the game throws a curveball and depicts you in an odd nightmare world, instead of just a step further than the driveway. The screen vibrates horribly and suddenly the neighbour is there, arms outstretched. It doesn’t matter if you’re just standing on the porch or breaking in through his bedroom window, the outcome is always the same. If he so much as glances in your direction his focus sharpens with laser precision to chase you, corner you and carry you back to the front of his house. There’s a sprint button as well, because you’ll need to run away from the creepy old dude. It hints that there are some controls – a button to pick things up and another to throw whatever you’re holding. So, with a weak concept established the game dumps you in front of the old man’s house and tells you nothing. This is the premise and why the boy suddenly decides that he must discover what the man is hiding. The opening cinematic sees this ugly child kicking a ball, which rolls into the yard of the ‘neighbour’ and as he attempts to collect it, casually views the old man locking his basement with a large gold key. Opposing a man who is clearly up to no good, but never actually goes much further than setting back your progress slightly. You play a strange, ugly child who seemingly has too much time on his hands. It might even be dead bodies, which is likely given the screams we hear, and it’s up to you to find out. It could be riches, it could be slabs of chocolate long since removed from sale.

There is a point to the premise of breaking into a man’s home, to see what he’s hiding in the basement. Once an ‘early release’ on PC, YouTubers across the world beamed this nonsense into the brains of children. I think it’s a YouTube situation that got out of control. I’m not sure Hello Neighbor is even a game.

Hello neighbor alpha 2 kid screaming